Sometimes...

Sometimes it is better to force yourself to be with someone rather than to be alone.

Its a nice day for flying.

As I was driving to work this morning I started to think about where I was at with my life right now. I started thinking about all the things that "create" a good, successful life. Then I made my checklist.

What makes a good life:
1)A great job-------check
2)A nice home-------check
3)A wonderful girlfriend----check
4)A decent truck------check
5)A slew of friends and relations----check
6)A good standing before God---Check
7)A healthy body----check

So all in all I dont have anything to complain about. I am happy. I have my share of trials, but overall I cannot complain. I just want to soak it all up right now. For once in my life, I dont have a reason to run or leave. My wings just dont feel like going anywhere. I will probably need a stretch before the year is through but right now at this moment I am okay.

I got cast in The Scarlet Pimpernel at the Hale Center Theater Orem. That was definitely something I have been working towards. I play a small role as a butler named Jessup, but the experience I have been having so far is amazing. I have truly learned so much about myself as an actor and what I am capable of doing. I love it. The Girl, The Grouch and the Goat is playing there now and my best friend Chase Ramsey is the lead. I recommend seeing it over and over. Its sooooo funny.

I am dating a girl. She is nice. She smells like a floral arrangement most the time. She understands that I fall asleep before midnight. She knows I cant play boardgames longer than 30 minutes. She likes to travel. She likes to sing. She knows how short my attention span is. But from what I can tell she kinda likes me. Weird.....I know.

School is back in session, sometimes I miss going to a school. Its funny how growing up I hated school with a passion. I cried every day in Kindergarten. It was a tragic experience for me. I eventually came to like it, then it was just something I did. Now that I do no need to be in school, I really want to learn more. Maybe Ill jump in and start taking some classes. Who knows.

So there we have it. In personal family news, my sister Melynda is getting married. This makes me happier than anything else. She deserves the best. I hope she gets everything that she has ever wanted.

I am grateful to be right here, right now, with the right people.

"Its a great day for flying"
-Xander
(The Girl, The Grouch and the Goat)

On Second Thought......

On Second Thought..........Lets scratch that last post.

Ive decided to change my mind.

Which I have the right to do. Shhheeesshh Its my blog, and my life......

Being Miserable is Going to Be Fun.

I'm Too Young To Date.

I was sitting in church and the speaker started to speak about dating. During his talk he said, "I want all those who are old enough to date, to listen". Then it hit me.

I am definitely not old enough to date.

Some would say that being 24 years old is plenty old enough to date or that I am just trying to find some sort of excuse for not dating at the moment. (and by "Some", I am referring to all you kids who are married and are saying this) But I really dont think I am old enough. I try to think about having a relationship and the realize how much pressure that it will bring into my life. Then I start thinking about how stressed I would be if I had all this pressure of being a perfect boyfriend, then I start thinking about a mix between how much tire pressure is in my truck tires, how much it would cost to replace them and then that finally leads to the cost a girlfriend would ensue......Thats enough to give me an ulcer. So clearly I am not old enough to date.

I think one day though I will be ready. Maybe when I am not so selfish, or maybe Ill get lonely.

I think maybe even one day Ill grow up.............no promises.

Im just not old enough to date.

Im reading again.....look out

I am not the biggest reader. I would much rather watch TV instead of reading a book. Its a waste of reading ability really, but I am not really too bothered.
However when I do find something to read I can hardly put it down. And I have found something that is just amazing! I am a bit of a freak when it come to my reading abilities. My favorite type of books to read are biographies. Any type really, I love reading about peoples life and the situations they get into and what they do to get out of them. I am currently reading EAT, PRAY, LOVE. You might have seen the trailers for the movie coming out with Julia Roberts. But let me tell you the book is unbelievable. Definitely read it first! I am barely on chapter 20 but its the writing is awesome. I know it may sound like a girly book, but the reason that I cant get enough of this book is because the author is such a vulnerable writer. Like myself. She writes about how she feels and the opinions that she has came to the conclusion to. I love it.
So nothing too amazing, just wanted to tell you all what I was reading and that you must must must read this book.

Grandmother

Recently my Grandmother passed away. Actually 4 days ago she passed away. As I started thinking about the life she led and the family that she raised I could not help but smile at the wonderful memories that I had of her. Some of the best memories that I had of my childhood occurred while at my Grandmothers house.

As children for Christmas Eve we would be boarded up in her library with blankets and pillows, a little space heater would be plugged in to heat up the room. I would lie on the floor and could hardly contain myself as I waited for Santa to come. The smell of the burning dust on the heater, the feel of her brown carpet, the snoring of my sisters next to me was something I looked forward to every year. Many years have passed but, these memories will be something that will be forever in my mind and heart. It really made Christmas.

The greatest advice that I have ever been given was from my Grandmother. I was young, probably barely 7 years old. My grandmother was watching me at her house as my mom ran errands in a nearby town. I had my sister electric keyboard and was carrying it around her house playing the "demo" track that came with it, then pretending that I was playing the actual cords I would go prancing around the house. I am sure my grandmother was sick of the "demo" song by time 15, but she never said anything. I thought I had my grandmother fooled into believing I was actually playing the piano like a professional so I told her, "Grandmother, I'm just kidding. Its not really me playing!"

Then she turned to me and said, "I know, but you felt like you were playing the best for me and that's all that matters." then she continued, "Someday when your older, you will be able to do anything you want. But instead of being the best for me, play the best for you."

My grandmother was an amazing women. She raised an amazing family. Sadly I couldn't attend the funeral due to rehearsal and shows this week. I know however that my grandmother was ready to go home. Being reunited with her husband after 25+ years of being away. I hope that heaven is ready, there is a lot of gardening to do.

I now walk on the stage every night. Every night I will be the best for myself and always a little for her. I will miss you Grandmother.

Life in General

I think the best thing about life is that you can never really plan for it. When I see people who have their lives planned out to the letter and "know" whats going to happen next, I usually feel a bit jealous. Then I just end up laughing. I tend to say, "Want to hear God laugh?....Tell him your plans."

Many who know me, definitely know that I do not walk to the same drum as most people. I usually have about 5-10 different places that I am moving to next, I definitely have random goals of meeting Lady Gaga, becoming famous and being the most interesting man in the world. But even those change depending on how I am feeling or what I had for breakfast.

Even though I may be pretty washy on what I want the future has in store for me. I feel that I am pretty consistent on one thing. I usually do not make logical choices.......and I love it. Everyone knows those scary movies when the people are running from the killer or bad guy and they always end up coming to a fork in the road and the run down the least lighted street. Or they run into the dark abandoned butcher shop......yeah that's me. Of course people are yelling at the TV screen, "What are you doing?!?!?!" "Dont go there!!!".
To those people I ask, "Why not?" And trust me, I have had my share of people yelling at me like I am a crazy person.

I am really grateful that I have had the chance to take risks in my life. Even though it may not be a life or death risk, it still is a risk to me and my future. I made a quick decision right out of high school to abandon college, that led me to going on a mission sooner. I took a risk and moved to Utah, there with nothing and no one I was able to find my career. I then took another risk and jumped into culinary school, then took another leap back into my career. Every hop, skip and jump that I have made was not very logical. But it made sense to me, it tasted good and I felt the desire to do it. Nothing really could stop me from doing it.

Of course there are consequences. I am not saying that living life with such a carefree attitude is easy. I have a beautiful student loan out as well as trail of friends that I have left behind. I really dont have a "home". Its a bit overwhelming when I think of how I have been in the past 5 years, but I have yet to regret any choice that I have made.

I think the main point that I am trying to get across is: "Dont be afraid of taking a risk. Even though it may seem like the most illogical thing to do, listen to your own mind, plan your day the morning you wake up and if it tastes good, just take a bite."

That is probably what I would want people to remember me by, someone who wasnt afraid to make a choice.