Answered Prayers from the Wrong Guy

Growing up I was definitely not the best looking person. Well at least I thought so, ask my mother and she would say I was the cutest baby and then........well then I grew up. Its understandable, I mean, there are very few unattractive babies in the world. Most of them have their own center of cuteness or at least love-able qualities that we like. But all in all, I was a cute baby, then hit puberty and then wires went crazy I suppose. I suffered from a low self esteem mind and started becoming an over weight teenager. Acne hit then hit me, hair came from places that I did not even know I had and being surrounded by women in my house just made things even more awkward. I guess everyone goes through this stage and they feel the same ways I did. But I never saw myself being anything but what I was at that time. I would crave to be one of the cool kids or like a movie star that was attractive and desired. I yearned to have a beautiful physic and all the style in the world. I prayed to be a good looking person, that had everything that good looking people had. But it seemed like it never would happen.

As I got older, slowly those desires just started to change. I started just being okay with who I was. I started losing weight, my acne scars slowly started peeling away and with that my self esteem started to rise. I was feeling better about myself. I started to feel hopeful for the future. Eventually I learned that it was okay to be different or unique, it was finally freedom.

For the past 4-5 years I have been in the modeling industry. I have worked for many agencies as a runway and print model. It is something that I never thought would happen. Thinking back on it now, I would have laughed. But it happened. Of course there are a lot of details in between the years to get me where I am now. But thats not what this topic is supposed to be about. This is about a prayer that I once had that I would have in my heart all the time. I wanted to make it in the world. I wanted to be in the spotlight. I wanted to be a calendar model, I wanted to have my own printed ads broadcasted everywhere. I wanted it all. Then it happened.

I was at work when I received an email from the owner of "Mormon Missionaries" calendar. For those of you who do not know what this is, it is basically a calendar that shows models who were once Mormon missionaries in a more sexual way. It has been published for the past 3 years and is a very popular calendar. It is something that I would have gotten paid a great deal of money on and would have launched another side of my modeling career to a new level. However, the drawback would have been an immediately dismissal from the LDS Church. Sadly, even I still questioned whether or not this would be something that I would like to do. It was probably the carnal man that wanted to do it, but it was the internal struggle with myself that really troubled me.

I spoke with some of my best friends. I got their feedback. I learned and understood their views. I was shocked to see who thought it would be good idea and who didnt. But there was one friend that was so mortified and offended that I would consider the show, that it made me realize that I needed to evaluate my life. He opened up my spiritual eyes and helped me understand my future.

I turned the offer down.

A week later, the owner came back to me. He offered me the June page of the 2011 calendar, a larger sum of money that any other model, plus a 10% commission on every calendar sold. The estimated price of all of this would have been around $10-12k at the end of the year.

Thankfully, I had the strength again to, thank him for his time and turn the offer down.

This dream of having a calendar page came just like I prayed for. But maybe my answered prayer came from the wrong guy. Satan really will try everything to get you to do something that seems amazing, but in the end will be your destruction. I am so grateful for the place I am in with my life right now. I am grateful for a friend who opened up my eyes.

I can see my life in a better camera lense. Its a more eternal and promising shot.